I am a friend of themusesbitch. At a party last fall we chatted about the logistics of polyamory - I had a friend who was attempting 2 jobs and 3 or so girlfriends.
The difficulty a man faces in understanding gender discrimination is analogous to the difficulty I, a white woman, face when trying to understand race/color discrimination in N. america. I won't necessarily experience it because it isn't really directed at me, so I can be an observant spectator, but that's not the same. Listening and learning are always appreciated, but I think that for the 'oppressed' group to be liberated, they have to figure out how to rescue themselves. I think the unoppressed can first of all not impede progress (ex. not treat women differently in general), and second offer all sorts of support, but ultimately, it isn't their fight.
I think having legislation enshrining equal rights is a good first step. Habituating society is the true change and will take longer, but we're on the way (I think programs to increase female/minority representation in positions of power speed this up - an exception to not treating people differently). I feel kind of bad for Toronto men who grow up feeling guilty for being male amidst fist-swinging feminism, but I think the fist-swinging might be a phase we have to pass through, and hopefully as female equality becomes more established and secure, everyone will calm down about the whole business. I think that will take a while, though.
I find I relatively little trouble with Canadian men of my generation, who are used to having girls do everything they do. Note that my sample pool is largely graduates of U of T, who are relatively bright, have decent social skills and when the job markets tank, they are sophisticated enough to blame things besides the latest immigrant wave. The problems I have are more with (usually older) men who have learned to wear one face for women they perceive to have power, and another face for woman the perceive not to have it. Power is complicated, however, and partly a function of how the woman presents herself. A lot of those kind of people, like most dogs, won't bite you if you don't give them an opening.
Men of my generation are more interested and involved with home-making and child rearing, and these men are also screwing them selves over in terms of promotion by taking pat. leave. That particular problem, I think, is a society that does not value family and community sufficiently. Work culture needs to change. This is the culture that makes us work more hours for less spending power over the last 25 years and has blackberry messages whizzing at 3 a.m. How do people not see this is crazy? The same way they mistake McDonalds for food, I suppose.
For a one-page summary of how gender works, and the HUGE problems that come out of identifying blithely with gender archetypes, check out
http://www.cnr.edu/home/bmcmanus/anima.html
It is the most concise and useful thing I have read on the subject. For a more detailed look at how boys and girls are socialized to be men and women, the trauma involved and the coping strategies that people tend to adopt (and how we don't need to be as miserable as we sometimes are), try Carol Gilligan (au): The Birth of Pleasure (ti). She followed people and families from her grad work through to her 50s. It's sociology, lit theory, gender theory and good social science. Very useful things to know about oneself and one's society. Pertinant to the above comments - one of the first things boys learn in day-care/kindergarten, etc, is that they must be able to hold their own in a group. Girls tend to be on a different program, see Gilligan for details, but one sees why, in a university seminar, men are perfectly comfortable dragging attention to their opinion.
Good or bad aside, I think understanding why we are the way we are makes it easier and more effective for us to figure out how to be who we want to be.
Where you fit in ;)
The difficulty a man faces in understanding gender discrimination is analogous to the difficulty I, a white woman, face when trying to understand race/color discrimination in N. america. I won't necessarily experience it because it isn't really directed at me, so I can be an observant spectator, but that's not the same. Listening and learning are always appreciated, but I think that for the 'oppressed' group to be liberated, they have to figure out how to rescue themselves. I think the unoppressed can first of all not impede progress (ex. not treat women differently in general), and second offer all sorts of support, but ultimately, it isn't their fight.
I think having legislation enshrining equal rights is a good first step. Habituating society is the true change and will take longer, but we're on the way (I think programs to increase female/minority representation in positions of power speed this up - an exception to not treating people differently). I feel kind of bad for Toronto men who grow up feeling guilty for being male amidst fist-swinging feminism, but I think the fist-swinging might be a phase we have to pass through, and hopefully as female equality becomes more established and secure, everyone will calm down about the whole business. I think that will take a while, though.
I find I relatively little trouble with Canadian men of my generation, who are used to having girls do everything they do. Note that my sample pool is largely graduates of U of T, who are relatively bright, have decent social skills and when the job markets tank, they are sophisticated enough to blame things besides the latest immigrant wave. The problems I have are more with (usually older) men who have learned to wear one face for women they perceive to have power, and another face for woman the perceive not to have it. Power is complicated, however, and partly a function of how the woman presents herself. A lot of those kind of people, like most dogs, won't bite you if you don't give them an opening.
Men of my generation are more interested and involved with home-making and child rearing, and these men are also screwing them selves over in terms of promotion by taking pat. leave. That particular problem, I think, is a society that does not value family and community sufficiently. Work culture needs to change. This is the culture that makes us work more hours for less spending power over the last 25 years and has blackberry messages whizzing at 3 a.m. How do people not see this is crazy? The same way they mistake McDonalds for food, I suppose.
For a one-page summary of how gender works, and the HUGE problems that come out of identifying blithely with gender archetypes, check out
http://www.cnr.edu/home/bmcmanus/anima.html
It is the most concise and useful thing I have read on the subject. For a more detailed look at how boys and girls are socialized to be men and women, the trauma involved and the coping strategies that people tend to adopt (and how we don't need to be as miserable as we sometimes are), try Carol Gilligan (au): The Birth of Pleasure (ti). She followed people and families from her grad work through to her 50s. It's sociology, lit theory, gender theory and good social science. Very useful things to know about oneself and one's society. Pertinant to the above comments - one of the first things boys learn in day-care/kindergarten, etc, is that they must be able to hold their own in a group. Girls tend to be on a different program, see Gilligan for details, but one sees why, in a university seminar, men are perfectly comfortable dragging attention to their opinion.
Good or bad aside, I think understanding why we are the way we are makes it easier and more effective for us to figure out how to be who we want to be.