curgoth | BookLog

Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt: I read this book while in a messy headspace. As a result, I hit a
few spots where I'd just keep reading the same sentence over and over
again while my head spun. Nonetheless, it had a lot of useful stuff
in it.
Prime by Poppy Z. Brite: In my opinion, a better book than Liquor, the book Prime is
a sequel for. The plot seems less like an afterthought in this book,
though it's still feels much more about the characters than the plot.
Thankfully, Brite continues to provide really enjoyable characters.
A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin: I hadn't read this book since I was a wee lad. It's still as
magical as I'd remembered it.
The Hollowing by Robert Holdstock: The third book in the Mythago Wood books. Of the three I've read
(there are, apparently five, though I've never seen the last two), I
still think I prefer Lavondyss, perhaps because I found I identified
more with Tallis Keeton than the protagonists of Mythago Wood or the
Hollowing. The Hollowing focuses a bit more on the mechanics of
Ryhope Wood, and that detracts from the magical feel that the earlier
two books have. Still an enjoyable read, but I'm kind of glad
Holdstock is writing more or less outside of the Ryhope Wood world
now.

I am currently reading The Ethical Slut and I can't put it down because this stuff is very new to me. My MOM of all people lent me the book. She has a polyamourous friend, so I guess she decided to read up on it even though it freaks her out. She has decided it is not her thing, but at least this means she's fairly comfortable with whatever I choose to explore.

I didn't find the "rah-rah-rah being ethical and slutty is great" very helpful or reassuring. But I am finding the practical information on how to take care of yourself and manage jealousy to be very helpful. I guess I really have absorbed the cultural programming that jealousy should be prevented at all costs. And that it's selfish of me to feel bad about myself. I think my guilt over feeling sorry for myself compounds my emotional problems. So I will make a pact with myself to accept my jealousy and uncertainty and self-pity (to a degree) and see how it works out.

I haven't read any of the others, though.

Yeah, some of the rah-rah-rah stuff had me saying "yes, I figured that out already..."

The biggest thing for me, I think, were the bits about needs - in part, that triggered the post I made a while back about what I want out of being poly.

The other books are my three "fun" books - I read one "serious" book for every three "Fun" books. Though I strongly recommend Robert Holdstock's Mythago Wood books if you can find them.

I love non-fic. Even though I'm in university and read that stuff anyway.

Yes, I remember that post. Interesting for me to read, with my history of monogamy. Polyamoury has made me feel pretty insecure and uncertain so far. But I think I'm getting over myself, in baby steps. Hell, I'm bipolar. I'm used to wacky emotions by now :)

I will check my local independant used and rare bookstore for those. I think the store may go out of business soon because of new US bookstore policies. Which really sucks because I only just discovered this nice little shop.

I had to start my 3 fun, 1 serious book program because I found that I was ripping through the fun books, but never really made an effort to read non-fiction because I couldn't zip through them - it requires a more active mindset to read non-fiction for me.

And as for poly and insecurity? *Everyone* is insecure when they start doing weird things with thier lives. Not only do you get to multiply the good stuff, you get to multiply the stress and worry! It's worth it, though, if you can handle it.

The speed I get through non-fic in depends on the way the book is written. I tore through Ethical Slut because it was humorous and the print was large (tee hee, that's the little kid in me). Reading stuff that's equally informative, but written an overly academic manner can be tedious.

I think I'm warming up to it more and more with time. Problems that monos have in relationships seem so absurd to me sometimes. As if they could just see it through my eyes, they'd have no problem. I guess that's kind of arrogant. But I can see that a lot of problems arise because of this belief that we need to be together-forever with one person. That's certainly why I got freaked out and left most of my relationships. I never wanted to be bound to one person forever. At least, not someone I met when we were really young. I wanted them to explore too, because I knew they'd have attractions to other people. But any time I suggested that they try something outside of the relationship, they freaked out and thought I wanted to cheat on them. I guess after too many freak-out episodes, I accepted mono because it seemed the only option. And I bought into the illusion that it would be somehow safer. Which is BS because it fails all the time, and often partners are left with no one else to turn to for support. My mom's a huge introvert like me and has always been really lonely between relationships. I want to have lots of friends, and lovers too, to support me when the shit hits the fan. Because it always will, in one way or another. And I'm good at helping other friends in need.

Anyway, now that there are options other than mono, I feel kind of scared and clueless. But it's something I think I can navigate, as long as I'm patient with myself. Mmm, I hope you don't mind my midnight ranting. Not many of my normal (or even my mad) friends can relate to this stuff.

I think mono seems safer because it seems that the rules and expectations are all pre-set - I mean, everyone knows what is and isn't allowed in a "normal" relationship, right? In practice, that's not really true, but it can seem like it ought to be. Going poly means tacitly admitting that all the rules have to be worked out as you go, though, and throwing away even the illusion of certainty and safety nets. It is not an easy road to walk.

> Nonetheless, it had a lot of useful stuff in it.

What sorts of things? I'm always curious about others' experiences with the book. I've always kinda bounced off of it (despite several attempts), and wondered whether there's good stuff just a little further into the book, or whether it made the poly 'cannon' just because there's a sad dearth of poly books. :)

The biggest thing I got out of it is that it's okay to want things. Which isn't really poly-specific, but, as I said, I was in a bit of a messy headspace while reading it. It had stuff about healthy and unhealthy behaviour that I happened to really need to read around then.

The stuff that was useful for me was, IIRC, in the middle of the book.

I'll have to re-read it at some point to give a useful evaluation of the book when I a tad more sane.

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