curgoth: (sick)
( Nov. 9th, 2005 09:53 am)

  1. Mirrormask tonight, finally

  2. Instant ginger tea and dayquil

  3. New comfy chairs installed at various points around the office so I can be comfortable while being interrupted while trying to read.

curgoth: (moon and stars)
( Nov. 9th, 2005 11:20 pm)
How do we measure ourselves? What do we use to tell whether or not we're "successful" or "doing well"?

For some people, it's money, or financial comfort - if I can just afford *that* house, or *that* car... (or, so long as I can afford the next house, and the next car, I know I'm on the right track). At a certain point, I think, one's wealth exceeds a certain limit and becomes just an indicator of power - for the fabulously wealthy in the business world, it's about power. For the rock stars and movie stars, it's fame - you are who knows you.

That's not how I measure my life (for a change, I don't think I'll talk about just what I think I am using), nor, I suspect, is that how most of the people on my flist examine the worth of their lives. Do we use progress along an imagined path? Perceived closeness to enlightenment or actualization? A qualitative analysis of the degree of happiness? Is there a "right" way to tell if one is "on the right track" with one's life? Perhaps more importantly, is there a wrong way? Is it getting what you want, wanting what you get, or something else?

I have been thinking, today, about what the things I want in my life are - not necessarily the big, long term things, but more the little, day to day things, the ephemeral, nonmaterial things. Things I want in the general sense, and how that ties in to the specific things I catch myself looking for. Am I looking for the right things, to determine if I'm getting what I want, or if I am going to? Are my goals (selected by my unconscious) attainable? Are they healthy?

I have answers for some of these, but not for others. There is more thinking to be done, but perhaps it should be done after sleeping.
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