random

[curgoth]

I am an interstital man. I am on the outside edge of a number of subcultures and scenes, and not really a part of any of them.

I am standing in the doorway of my own life and I don't know how to go into a room without being dragged.

Comments

[bleakenigma.livejournal.com]

Amen to that. I know exactly how you feel.

[pez-minotaur.livejournal.com]

Or perhaps you are too complex and unique to be defined by a simple stereotype.

[curgoth]

I'm not looking for identity, I'm looking for community, and for inclusion in various groups' activities.

[uniquecrash5.livejournal.com]

Any community in particular, or communities in general? Just feelin' a little isolated maybe?

[curgoth]

I have a few particular communities that I was thinking about last night, but it's a general issue I have. It's based in part on certain personality traits that I have, and wish I do de-program myself of.

[uniquecrash5.livejournal.com]

Now I'm all intrigued. What personality traits are these?

Personally I've found sigil magic kind of useful towards that kind of thing. Easy, too.

[curgoth]

Chiefly my tendency to be paranoid and closed, combined with what seems to be a key social skill that I missed out on at an early age.

[uniquecrash5.livejournal.com]

Well, that does sound like the sort of thing a little sigil magick might be useful for. Make your subconcious work for you, is the basic idea. It's pretty simple, plus it involves sex (the way I usually do it anyway) so it's fun!

I dig using chaos magick, 'cause it's experimental/scientific rather than authoritarian. Try it, if it works for you great, if it doesn't, well, try something else.

Not enough time for me to describe the method presently, but I can later if you're interested.

[delerium69.livejournal.com]

I definitely feel that way too sometimes. It can be frustrating. I feel too freakish for normal people, but normal for the freaks.

But maybe deep down EVERYONE feels that way?

[curgoth]

I'm not so much frustrated by the identity component of it as much as the community aspect. It's more things like not having anyone to talk to when I go out clubbing, not being able to go to certain kinds of parties, not really being part of various activities even if I'm there.

I know that it's not a universal issue, because I have occasionally been more connected to a community than I am now, and I miss that.

I know some people don't want to be that close to a loose group of people, and I know some people substitute family for it. What I'm missing isn't freinds - I have friends, and I'm glad for that. But it's not the same thing.

[night--watch.livejournal.com]

I get this. I'm just more prone to inviting myself over to a couch and chatting with total strangers. It still takes courage, and energy, and sometimes (like Serbian New Year's on Fri. night), I can't muster up either to strike up a conversation.

It comes down to personality types. I can be very high-energy, and dynamic socially -- I even attempt to catalyze different groups (ie physicists, fencers and RPers). But Savage isn't a place I feel comfortable approaching random strangers, which is really too bad.